Тhe BREAK UP - somewhere between my dream idea and going to IED I met a man (who partly gave me the idea to go an study fashion) but he then broke my ego not so much my heart. That left me desperate and discouraged. I knew that my goal was far more important than the 2 to 6 months ache of my heart (self-esteem). Still, I was mostly crying and doing work for my admission exam. Crying and then some more working. Till the moment when I realised that one of the best things for me was to face Milano alone.
“Fashion in my mind was something fast and strong and vivid, and in a way very overwhelming and scary.”
But as my teachers were very demanding they were also inspirational and eyeopening. No one of them was taking the easy approach to teaching, or expecting us to be the same. They were motivational and discouraging at the same time. They were honest about how hard nearly impossible it is become a fashion designer let alone to have a label.
Some of my classmates were younger than me and far more talented. They knew that they wanted to become a fashion designer far before me. They were persistent in their efforts about it. I was somehow an outcast, and looking as if I was lost. And so I did, I lost my direction. I was so focused to study and keep up with them, that I somehow forgot my plan, my inspiration in a first place.
The time there that I could have used to research and really understand the field that I wanted to develop I just spend studying like everyone else…
Then, there were also some fellow students sent by their parents so that they can inherit the family business.
But all of them were richer than me. I was able to go out once a week if I was spending smart the rest of it, so I tie in at the end of the year. The rest was mostly lonely studying and skyping. Which gave me the feeling that I am not doing enough with myself. Sometimes after I finished my study for the day I would go out for a run at 2 a.m. in the morning.